The Onion: I'm Thinking About Getting Into Office Politics

I've always considered myself to be a natural leader with a devotion to higher ideals. By demonstrating responsibility, reliability, and commitment to company values, I've achieved a comfortable position here at Atlantic Box and Container Inc.But recently, looking out across these sprawling cubicles, I have come to feel a calling to a cause larger than my own small, windowless office. It's time I devoted myself to the noble and patriotic arena of public self-service, a cause I have a duty to pursue: a more lucrative job with a better chair and more luxurious perks. Mine is a calling to a corner office.